Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
