god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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