a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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