I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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