im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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