a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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