A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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