happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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