my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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