I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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