the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
