atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
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you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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