Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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