i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
