Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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