I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
