I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
