I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
