Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
