Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
