I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We need to rekindle our bromance
this boner is exhausting
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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