So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
