This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
