Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
