Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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