I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
