Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
