thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just forgot I was standing up.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
