We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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