hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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