Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
