is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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