This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
