Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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