i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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