Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
