You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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