Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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