Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
