you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
