WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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