Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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