At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize