I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
