Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
