i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
