All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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