maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize