Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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