Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
