I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
