if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
