every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
