a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
