I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
40s are totally the cure
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
