I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
