just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
