The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
