The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
