i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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