you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
