now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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