After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
