I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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