oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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