I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
