I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
