Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
