yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
