So drunk its hurt
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
