Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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