i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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