FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
