I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize