So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
