Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
